Why Lie to Yourself?

I have come to see lately that alongside of doubt lying to yourself is one of the worst things that you can do to yourself. Often we can end up in a situation that is not what is meant for us. We are often so focused on getting through it, that we may just tell ourselves that we are happy. That we love what are doing. We may tell ourselves that we love the person or the friend. We may tell ourselves that we are fine. When in reality we are not. 

Why lie? Why tell yourself that you are happy and content just to keep going or to make something happen? Is this worth it? Is the pain that you feel internally helping you keep the lie up?

Chances are the lies are not helping you. Chances are the lies are not helping and they are only harming you more. Listen to yourself. At the first sign on something not being ok you should evaluate what it is that allowing you to not feel like yourself. You should figure what it is that is not right in your life. If you do not there is a risk that you could make yourself unhappy. 

It may seem strange to lie to yourself but it can happen. I have found that I have done it a few times. I lied to myself in my undergraduate career. I told myself that the program that I was in and the career I was working towards was the right one for myself. I told myself that I was happy and that I was doing what I thought was good for me. I was wrong. I was unhappy and not who I really wanted to be. I was not able to enjoy everything that I wanted in my life. In graduate school I allowed myself to believe that my program was good for me and that the stress I was under was perfectly normal. I found that the stress was not academic but it was my body telling me that the program was bad for me and that I needed to get out of the situation.

It may not be an academic situation that you are lying to yourself about. Maybe it is a relationship, or a job, or another situation whatever it is let it go and stop lying to yourself. It does not have to be a situation either it could actually be an emotion. Once you listen to yourself and stop lying life can become easier.   

You Are...

Sometimes we have remind ourselves that we are better than we feel or believe. Often we internalize the bad that we hear and because we internalize the bad we may believe it. Internalizing  what has been said that is harsh or untrue can be very devastating.  It takes a lot for us to rebuild our self worth and usually one bad thing can knock down all the good. 

It is so important that we remember that even when times are rough we can get through any situation that we face because we are braver than we want to believe. We are strong enough to handle what is thrown to us and even if  it does not seem it, the situation that we are facing usually is temporary and WILL END. If any thing we become stronger from hard situations. Lastly, remember we are smarter than we seem. 

I firmly believe all of this. I have been told many times that I am stupid and I have internalized it. I was called stupid by my first grade teacher. I believed it for the longest time (and there are times that I still do). Reality is if I am in graduate school I cannot be stupid. I often feel weak and then I look back at what all I have accomplished in the last feel years and I see that I am stronger. I also see that I am braver than I believe. I have to remind myself to look to the good and to see the AMAZING things that have happened in life and see that it is not all bad.  

What Kills our Dreams

Unfortunately, we may all wrestle with doubt. Doubt is more of a problem for our dreams than that of giving up or not trying.  Doubt has a way about it to really mess with us. Our inner doubts can make us stop working on even our biggest dreams. Doubts such as not feeling good enough, important enough, or not being able to. Doubting ourselves does not help anything it is only hurting us. 

One of the best things that we can do is lift each other up and tell each other that we can and that we will. That we have faith in ourselves and others. We need to shut out the doubts that we have and ignore them.

Let Go of the Negative...

Sometimes people can come into our lives who are not the best influences. They may be hurtful, negative, mean, and outright nasty. They may not be helpful towards you in one way or another. Sometimes we have to let them out of our lives. While sometimes they may have a purpose in our lives we do not have to have them in our lives all the time. 

Negative and toxic people can be harmful in many ways. It takes a lot of energy to handle them and to try and remain happy. The energy that is put into fighting off the negative influences can also take a toll on your self-esteem or the negative may make you into someone who you are not. 

I have come to realize that while you cannot always get rid of the negative influences, there are ways to minimize it. Sometimes you have to distance yourself from a friend, or a coworker. Other times you may have to delete people from social networks. Either way it can be really helpful to cut or distance yourself from the negative.  It is helpful because of the fact that it will allow for you to grow to who you want to be and to be able to more positive of yourself and others. It changes a lot of perspectives that you may have.  

 Often times negative and toxic people may not realize that they are harming you, and if they do they may not realize the extent. In fact you may not realize how unhappy and how upset you are around them until you let go. Letting go can be hard. It is hard to change anything in your life, but like most things that come hard it is worth it.

Keep in mind that it is not just people who can be a negative influence, but social media, the media over all, and other aspects of our lives can be unhealthy influences. Figure out what is negative in your life and either get rid of it or change the thoughts that you have on the influence. This can go a long way in your life. 

Positive Anything

All too often we see the negative in a situation. But really there is always a positive in every situation. It may not seem it but there is always something good. If you look for the positive it can help to outweigh and out balance the negative. By focusing on the positive and the good you can help to push back what is hurting or upsetting you and to get a bad situation to be less unpleasant. 

It can be hard to see the positive in a bad situation but it is there. Sometimes the good is not always seen right away and may take time, but that does not mean that the positive does not exist. At one point I was fired from my workstudy position in graduate school. I was told that I was making mistakes, but yet when I confronted the boss her mistakes that I supposedly made were not even logical. On top of that I was never told that I was making mistakes. My positive to the situation was that I learned to stand up for myself. I asked why they had not told me that I made mistakes and I asked what the apparent mistakes were. Additionally, I realized that if  I were not learning and the job was not working to help employees grow than it was not the job for me. Yes being fired was negative, yes it hurt, yet it had some positives and it helped me to learn which made it a pretty good situation in the long run.  

It really is true that positive anything is better than negative nothing and that is because negatives do not bring anything to help a person. We tend to dwell on the negatives, but looking at even one positive helps and brings a lot more than the negative. 

Find Beauty in Differnt Situations

So often we do not notice the little things. Sometimes the little things are the most beautiful  things in the day. Try to remember to take time out to see the beauty of the day.

Maybe it is a child's laughter, maybe it is a compliment, or a good hairday. Maybe it is getting a good grade on an assignment that you struggled with or getting a long term project done. Maybe it is the blue sky after a hard rain, or a sunset or sunrise or even a first snow. Whatever it is notice  how it makes you feel. Notice that it can make a "bad day" become a wonderful day. Maybe it can turn a great day into a brilliant day.

Sometimes our minds can play tricks on us  and the world around us can seem dull, gloomy, and unintersting. When we change are mind set and look for the beauty the world can be truly beautiful! It can be radiant it can be majestic. The simplest sights can be amazing.

Take time to look at the simple and beautiful parts of life. Find those moments and appreciate it. Those moments really can make a difference.

Need a Boost When on the Go?

We live in a world that is full of negative influences. Because of this it is often hard to be positive and happy. I have found that keeping a positive quote app on my phone or on my tablet is super helpful. I will look at it often through the day. I have also found that it does help and it is a great reminder of the positive aspects to look at.

Remember we chose our attitudes and our feelings. When you wake up choose to be happy and choose to be energized. If something happens during the day take a breath and remember you are in charge. You choose how to react. If you need a reminder look at a positive quote. It is in these moments that I look at the quote app on my phone. I also have my phones lock screen and home wallpaper as quotes and they are a constant reminder. We are often glued to out screens so why not put them to use in  using them to make us happy?

The Harder You Fall...

Sometimes it is important that we struggle and that we fail at something. It is in these challenges that we are able to gain perspective and that we are able to go further than we could have ever imagined. Without challenges and failures are unable to improve in life. 

But just remember to not let a set back tear you down. When you fall you have to rise up again. Remind yourself that when you fall you get up and try again and maybe you even try harder than you had before.  

I thought that this quote was just a nice reminder as why we need to have struggles and set backs in life.  

Bad Day??!?!?!?!?!?! Let's Change That!!!!!

So often we let a “bad day” ruin our day. The thing is that a bad day does not have ruin our day or week. When things are going wrong, tell yourself that it is a bad moment. If it is more than one moment tell yourself that the day just has bad moments and more than normal but the day is still not a bad day.

You choose your mood and if you wake up thinking that the day is going to be bad or that you will be in a bad mood your brain will allow you to feel that you are in a bad mood. You do not have to let your bad moments affect you. If things at work or in class are bothering you change your outlook, focus on the positives, or find something  else to focus on.

I have personally found that when I am at work or in the library, and being affected by the drama or frustrated over something else or feeling negative turning my iTunes on to a positive playlist filled with upbeat songs and songs with positive messages helps to pull me out of a funk. Maybe it is not music that helps you but positive and funny memes, maybe it is texting a friend, or watching funny videos, or even being creative; whatever it is find what boosts you and engage in it. You will be surprised what can help you to feel happy and uplifted. Sometimes we just need to take a few moments out of the day when we are feeling upset and unmotivated change the day. Take time to listen to yourself. 

If the whole week is not going well it is alright, while it may not seem it there is still good in the week. Look for the small moments that have happiness and joy. Maybe someone made you laugh or maybe you had an opportunity that you never thought you would have. Regardless of a what is going on that has brought you to think the week or day is bad there is still bound to be good. 

I am back

It has been a couple of years since I posted on this blog. I really wanted to follow through with this blog, but a couple of things caused me to not post. I felt like I was not the best person to make a blog on being positive. I was battling many inner demons and thought that I can’t even be positive myself so how do I post about it? Then life got in the way. I was finishing my senior year of undergrad and going to graduate school. I am still in graduate school, but there are so many days that I feel the pull towards negativity and that is when I realize, that I need to connect with positive influences.

In the last two years I started to learn more about changing your mindset and where to go when upset. Because of this I have new ideas for this blog. One of my main ideas is that there may  be a lot of positive memes and pictures posted. Sometimes I may just post a quote and maybe a blurb for it. What I found hard with this blog was to post regular posts about how to stay positive and that is difficult but now I see that there are other ways to do that.