Happiness

Emotions are often sparked by an event, place, person, situation, or other stuff. While they are sparked by so much we can choose to give in to the emotion or not to give in. We can choose to let something get to us or to ignore it. 

Happiness is one of those emotions. It is a choice in so many ways. Nothing in life will make us fully happy. It is an emotion that in many ways allows for us to believe that something, someone, someplace will allow for us to be happy and to stay happy. The truth is that it may work for a moment but it will not keep us happy. 

I hear all the time I want to be happy... I will be happy when... 
I am guilty of saying it and thinking it. I have often told myself if I had a different job I will be happy. When I get my degree I will be happy. When I lose weight I will be happy. I want to be happy but I am... When I this or that I will be happy. Yes in the moment it has worked. Yes it has allowed for momentary happiness, but it is not the key to making me truly happy. 

True happiness is a choice. It is a reaction to love and to being fulfilled. It is a reaction to a decision.





I have been battling depression for a few months. I can choose to give into the emotions that I feel from the depression OR I can choose to rise above those emotions and choose happiness. Sometimes choosing happiness is the only way I can get through the day.  

I  choose to be happy. I am choosing to have a happy life and to live it with happiness. Yes I will have sadness and upset. Yes I will have bad days but it will not define my life, it will not define who I am. Happiness is not a destination it is a choice and I am choosing it. 

Since I choose happiness I have seen things be brighter and to be what I needed. I promise that when you choose happiness you choose life.  

Talk

How can we support others without pushing someone towards help? Well sometimes we may believe that pushing someone to get help is all that we can do. But that may not be the case. Sometimes all it may take is for the person who needs help to know that we are human too and we have struggled with similar.

As a believer in Jesus Christ it is important to share my testimony of faith what Christ has done in my life to help empower other believers and plant seeds in those who do not believe. In terms of mental health it is important to share my story because it can help others to understand that they are not alone. That their struggles are not uncommon and that they are not crazy, but normal with struggles that even those who seem to "have it altogether" really do struggle. 

When I was first becoming a believer in Christ I shared my testimony about how I met God on a night where I felt that I did not matter. I wanted to pack up my apartment and move home. I wanted to leave because I did not feel that anyone would have cared if I did. I was battling some depression and anxiety but it was manageable. I shared that some of my anxiety stemmed from childhood emotional abuse that I endured throughout my education. I was called stupid by my first grade teacher and I was told that I would not make it past a two year degree and maybe not even that degree by the special education director in my district. This anxiety stuck with me throughout most of my graduate school career. I sought counseling for this anxiety, but it really wasn't until I let God work in my life that I was able to move past it. I was able to begin to say that I was proud of myself and my accomplishments. I was able to see who I was.

In October I lost my mom, who was my best friend and the next day I lost my grandpa, my mom's dad. I dealt with worrying about my dad who was dealing with massive health problems and I was working to get done with my last semester of grad school. I started to endure more other hardships.    I struggled with anxiety and depression. I had depression so bad and in such a way that those who where the closest to me knew and saw something was wrong but did not know what it was. I did not know what I battling until I tried to hospitalize myself. I struggled a lot with my depression. All I wanted was be ok, to be me. I wanted happiness. Nothing seemed to work, counseling helped, a joyful job with kids helped but I wasn't truly happy or me. It took for me to decide that I need to be happy that I was able to start seeing myself again.

We all go through things that try us. One of the things that has really been a big help for me is hearing others and what they have gone through. I don't listen to others and what they have gone through in order to compare but in order to know I am not alone. I know that others have had worse situations than I have, but in some ways what others have gone through has been similar and has helped me in understanding what I am facing.

The pain I have endured over the last few months is a pain that I would never like to see others go through, however life will never be pain free. It because of the fact that life will never be pain free that I want to encourage others into talking about their pain. Go to a support group, go to counseling talk with a trusted friend or family member. You will never know what others have gone through until you have talked. 

Restart: Rebuild

I have gone through more than I really should have gone through in the last 10 months. I have struggled in every way. I have worked to get to where I need to be, though at ties I have really almost given up.
For a few months I really did not care about my life. I felt that my life was not worth living. I felt that there was no purpose. I felt no hope. I felt no that nothing was important to me. It has taken a lot for me to see that my life is worth living. It has taken a lot for me to realize that I have a purpose and that there is hope.
In seeing all this I have found that I have to restart: rebuild. In this I mean I need to find a new path and I have to start to go down that path and start to rebuild my life from the bottom and work my way up. I have tried to start rebuilding from where I am, but when I look at all that I am going through there is so much more that I need to face than present. Restarting and rebuilding my life means that I recreate and I start to rework everything from the beginning. It sounds crazy and sounds like a lot of work but sometimes that is what has to happen.
For me doing this means counseling, it means looking at what is pulling me down and why. It means adjusting to the pain and learning how to move forward. It means that I look at my old passions and I look to how I can readjust those passions to who I am now. It means developing new passions. It means I look at what is and what is not healthy for me. It also means taking old passions and rebuilding them so they are stronger.
Restarting and rebuilding is not easy, but I am ready for it.

If you feel that you have hit walls and you are not going forward in your life maybe you need to restart or rebuilding or both. Whatever it is do what is best for you. 

Depression What is it? Is There Hope?

~~~~~~~~~~~Caution- this post is not of the norm. It is not a fully positive and uplifting post that I like to do, but it is for sure something that needs to be posted.~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Depression is not always what it seems. It is not always withdrawing from those you love. It is that, but it is more. It is not always being massively upset. Yes it is that but it is more. It is not always not eating and not sleeping. It is not always a time where your focus is gone. Yes depression is all of this and more. Withdrawing, being massively upset, not eating or sleeping, and having you focus be gone are telltale signs of depression but depression does not always show up in this way. There are signs that not everyone is aware of.

Depression does not always show up with the classic symptoms that are listed above. It can have so many more symptoms. It can be a loss of appetite or over eating. For some they may over sleep or not sleep. There may be tiredness that may not be from physical exertion. A person may feel restlessness or irritability (or both). There may be a slowness of movement or speech.  Feeling depressed and or withdrawn may be common. For many there is a loss of interest in things that were once enjoyed. For many there may be a difficulty in concentrating, poor memory or they may even have a hard time making decisions. Often thoughts of harm towards them self or others including death are prevalent with depression. Life may be viewed as not worth living. Low self-esteem could be present in depression.

A person who is battling depression may have feelings of helplessness, being worthless, or guilty. They could have unexplained aches and pains. They could become extremely pessimistic when they are normally cheerful and optimistic. They may be taking risks and putting themselves in danger. They may feel and express that things would be better if they were not around.

It is said that medical attention needs to happen if there is a feeling of extreme depression, fear, or anxiety occur. Or if there is extreme anger toward themselves or others. Feeling out of control or have major outbursts the person may want to get help. Additionally, if there is any indication of self harm or harm to others. Hearing voices or seeing thing that others do not hear or see. Finally if the person have not slept or eaten in three days. For or all of these medical help should be sought
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Depression is able to be cured. For some intensive therapy or medications are key. There are some people where both work. Calming down relaxing and have time for self is often important in relieving symptoms of depression. Doing what you love and spending time with people you love, can help as well. Talk to someone. Acknowledge the feelings. Support your loved ones who are battling depression. It is not an easy battle and should not be faced alone.
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I chose to write on what depression is because I have been living with severe depression for the last month or more. I was in denial that I was depressed. I did not exhibit any of the normal symptoms. I had some sadness but not heavy sadness. I lost interest in stuff that I loved but it did not seem like depression.  For me it was the unusual symptoms. I began getting agitated at the simplest things. I would blow up for no real apparent reason. I became very pessimistic especially to myself. I had no self-esteem.  I also unconsciously began to push away those who loved me because I felt that if I pushed them away then when and if something happened it would make things easier. I noticed that on some of my harder days my old injuries were in major pain.  I would sleep by it was never restful.
Too me it was something else. Now that I know it is depression I see everything that I was doing and feeling. I see and understand that I have been battling depression. It saddens me but I am working through it.

I am currently seeking help because I can not live like this. My reasoning for this post is because I do not want others to fall down the way I fell. I had no idea that I have been battling depression I was convinced that it was something else. I want to see others get help before it is too late. Part of what got me to where I am in my depression is that I was not expressing myself. I was not letting myself acknowledge all that was wrong. Had I done so I may not be where I am. If you are feeling that there needs to be something done or feel that that you need to express something then please find a way even if it is is just crying out to God or writing in journal. Get it out of your mind. Capture your thoughts and learn to understand them. If you see anyone that is experiencing these types of symptoms try and get them help. If they are uninterested in help please know that you tried. Not everyone is going to be willing to get help. I was not ready for awhile and though I let a close friend crisis line me and I went to counseling after, I was still not in a spot for the help.  This simple act of getting me to go for help before I was ready, made it easier for when I was ready for help. One last final piece is please be mindful and be patient while in a deep depression it is possible that your loved one is unaware of what they are saying or doing. If you suspect that something is off understand that they are not themselves and while they want to be themselves they are pulled so far down into a deep, dark, pit and may not know how to get out. 

Know that there is hope, that life will brighten up. It will take time but it is so possible. I am working on getting to a better spot and I am already seeing the brighter and more happy times.

While I know that not everyone is a believer in God I am and will be praying that you do not have to go through the pain of depression that I am going through, and if you that you find away out. God Bless!!